Growing up around toxic relationships

Every day you wake up and you may be going to the same job, and coming home to the same person, and it all feels the same… but every day there is something that you go to bed with, on your mind, from that day…  The message has entered your energy field and will subconsciously alter your perspective… Sometimes we pay very little attention to these imprints and sometimes we notice the triggers and process a behavioural change on the spot… But most of the time you will not even know how far deep it will have left an impact on you, or for how long it lasts for or that it may create self-limiting beliefs and behaviours in your current life….

Example – Growing up in a home with dysfunctional mother-father relationship… You were not aware as a child that your mother and father had a toxic relationship… You grew up believing that the two people you love most are the embodiment of love… You are older now, and you realise the toxic environment you have been living in and that it is affecting you… Here are two common choices you might make…

1). You try to communicate with them and they hear you, vent to you, are glad that you understand them… You end up healing them by hearing them out, so you repeat this often and it leaves you feeling energy depleted because usually the situation doesn’t change… Imagine digging the same hole every day, and it doesn’t get any deeper… They have LEARNT that the way they are behaving is acceptable and relatively normal… Most probably because of their own clouded definitions of what love is, which have now been passed down to you… You have learnt that no matter how hard you try, nothing will change (even though it has nothing to do with you)… Repeat cycle.

2). You don’t communicate… You pick up your stuff, you leave, and you change your environment so that you do not have to deal with the energetic stagnation you feel… Some people run away so far that they end up covering themselves up with distractions and suppressions… You continue to live your life from there and end up attracting the same thing that you ran away from (a dysfunctional relationship) because now you believe that behaviour is acceptable and relatively normal… Repeat cycle.

WHY? Because in order to truly move on from a ‘lesson’, and release toxic the impact an imprint has made on you, you need to come to the awareness that your definition of love have been obscured… This is not that easy to rationalise when you come to realise that since you were a child, this is the love you have been taught is normal… And until you do process the lesson, the pattern will keep repeating itself again and again, in many different forms, until you learn that you are always subconsciously looking for your predisposed definition of what love is…


  1. For your benefit, try understand your parent’s patterns and why they are they way they are (what did the relationships they grew up around look like? Maybe they are doing the best of the bunch)
  2. See how those patterns have been passed down to you (do they expect the same from you as what they did?), and break them (because it didn’t exactly work out well for them, did it?)
  3. Unlearn the toxic ‘to yourself’ behaviours you have learned through being in ‘survival mode’ (trauma response), and then you will attract better relationships with yourself and others
  4. Heal yourself first, then your parents, and those around you by breaking the chains of repeated behaviour and by living your best life, by YOUR definition.

Set a standard for yourself and do not just accept things as they are… You can run, and you can hide but you cannot skip any steps… It will always come back around…

Dani xoxo

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